Business Casual?

I think I'll strut into work on Dress-Down Friday dressed like these guys. But because I'm not completely crass, of course I'll be sporting my nicest pair of black socks and wingtip dress shoes to finish off the look. After all, The Dizza is a fashion template!

You know why the guy in blue has that look on his face? Because he's thinking one of two things: "Shit--I really wish this guy would stop touching my Johnson with his forearm" or "Oooo...I'm strangely turned on by this guy touching my Jolly Roger with his forearm."

Photo courtesy Chrisafer's Flickr Stream.

I Haven't Been Spending My Money Wisely Enough

Obviously that's true, because I haven't shelled out $85 for these Gucci ice cube trays! I mean, here I am investing in mutual funds, savings bonds and a house...when instead I could've been enjoying G-shaped ice cubes in my Kool-Aid! (The Dizza won't mention he buys dollar store Kool-Aid, where it's actually spelled Khool-Eyd)

Priced to Sell? Only in New York!

If LID readers ever left comments, they'd ask The Dizza "so if you want to move to the East Coast, specifically New York City, so bad, then why don't you?" Well, dear friends, check out this apartment ideally situated right on Central Park South (that's 59th Street between 5th and 8th Avenues). Roughly the same amount of space as my current home in the Detroit 'burbs (yawn), it's more than 10 times more expensive. As in, I could put 10 of my house on top of each other, and it would still be cheaper than this apartment. Not to mention the apartment's monthly maintenance fee of $4,760. Think about that for a second--there's no lawn, flowers or other landscaping to maintain, so you're basically paying almost $5 G's a month for a guy to stand in the lobby (although trash removal is also included, because if you can afford this place, you're too hoighty-toighty to take your own garbage to the curb).

"But Dizza!" you say. "You're right on Central Park, and the description says you're steps from Lincoln Center! 2,000 square feet is still a lot of space!" Alright, then, The Dizza can accept a challenge. This little number, located in the Rego Park neighborhood in Queens, is a show-stopping 535 square feet (smaller than my garage when you include the attached toolshed) for a mere $249,000. That kind of shebang gets you about 3,000 square feet of space in my town. Check out the fruity-looking realtor...but James, if you're a LID reader, then I meant to say you're a real manly-man...and psst, can you sell me that apartment?

Lost Another Hippie to Ditech

LID readers, if you're not reading The Dizza's posts in chronological order (bottom to top), then this won't make complete sense.

How hot does it feel today? That's the question The Dizza keeps hearing readers asking--oh wait, I forgot, LID readers never leave me comments. Bitches (but The Dizza says that lovingly). So hot, that one of the hippies at The Concert of Colors just exploded mid-seizure! So sad...and they only had a chance to toke half their weed. And they looked so happy, too...especially your boy on the right.

Refried Bean

Let me saunter on over to the mail chute (that's right, no walking outside for The Dizza! I can pick up the mail from the comfort of my own foyer...that's pronounced "foy-yay" because I'm into making up names for the rooms in my house). Oh look! The LL Bean catalog for Fall! It's amazing I even still get this thing, since I haven't ordered anything from them since Fall 1995--and then it was just a winter hat. But hey, it's their marketing dollars, not mine. And speaking of, my oh my is the catalog woefully ill-timed! Let's look at some of the wares...hmmm, the "Rag Wool Sweater" on page 12 looks nice and all, but did I mention it's 92 degrees today? All I'm tryin' to do is cool my ass off! Well, and the rest of me, too. So where the description mentions the sweater is perfect for "a cold winter afternoon," all I can think about is sitting outside butt-naked on said cold afternoon so I can cool off a bit. Result? Sorry LL, you're getting thrown in the recycling bin. And can I just say I'm proud of myself for avoiding any corny reference to LL Cool J, although his name does sound cold and refreshing right about now. D'oh! So much for avoiding the corny reference!

Hippies in da House!

Tonight I went to the Concert of Colors, a series of free concerts at The Max in downtown Detroit. Checked out Big Chief Monk Boudreau, one of the Mardi Gras Indians (and don't be fooled, they're all blacks paying tribute to Native Americans). And boy did he throw down! The musical style is Native American / African / Creole / Jazz, a format you'd think would be enjoyed by only the most distinguished musical tastes, right? Oh no, LID readers...the hippies were there in full effect! And that was the saddest example of dancing I've ever seen. I mean, I'm glad they were having a good time, but when your dance makes you look like you're having a seizure (which they probably were from smoking that crack & weed combination), it doesn't exactly look like Fred Astaire...or the most ultimate of dancers, MC Hammer. Ironically, though, the Hammer Building is right across Woodward from The Max...coincidence? I think not!

One Cosby, Indivisible, With Liberty and Justice for All

Today is Bill Cosby's birthday, by the way. A mind-numbing 69 years old (heck, I still can't believe the girl who played Rudy graduated from college last year)! To celebrate, let's all go out and get Jell-O Pudding Pops.

And remember, kids, Cosbyness is next to Godliness...

Confessional

Yes, Father, I have a confession. The Dizza is completely obsessed with finding the Michael Kors belt from several posts below, part of the designer's Fall 2006 collection. I can't wait until September! After all, that IS one bad ass belt. Which of course means it will cost a ridiculous amount of money. Maybe one of the LID readers will take pity on me and send a few dollars my way (or "dollas", as we used to say in Pontiac). I'm just gonna throw it out there now: that belt will cost $120. Let's hope I'm wrong. And speaking of Michael Kors...Project Runway season three debuts tonight on Bravo! Don't miss it!

Who Says Crack Ain't Good?

Yes, LID readers, The Dizza is still covering the fashion world. And the latest from the Paris runway shows proves that cocaine use is alive and well. Witness this outfit from Dior (image courtesy The New York Times). Now, because The Dizza hates lawsuits, I'm not implying at all that whoever designed this is on crack. Not at all. I mean, would you think that when you saw this outfit?

Of course, this is haute couture, meaning that Dior doesn't expect anyone to wear this, and in reality it's only meant to inspire the real clothes that will be sold in stores. So you might find Dior ear rings shaped like chessboards in the future. Or you might smoke yourself some crack and buy the actual outfit at right.

"NO"-de-lay-hee-hoo

That show Who's Got Talent that Regis hosts is on NBC at the moment...there's a 10-year old on right now yodeling. You know how good she is? Here's a clue: I want to shoot myself.

Back in Full Effect

That's right Bitches (but I respect my readers, so I capitalized the B), Lost in Detroit is back in full effect...an event worthy of that 80s rap description. Yeah, boyyyyyyy! Yes, it was a rather sad and shameful exit the Dizza laid upon his readers, but I got tired of writing posts every day, many times a day after work. So 10,000 pardons, and it won't happen again. Until the next time I implode.

I hate to launch into Jeopardy as one of my first topics, because dammit I hate that arrogant show. I mean, when the contestant answers the question right (or questions the answer right, or whatever), and they don't phrase their "answer" as a "question", they get it wrong! What's really important, Mr. Trebeck--that people know how to ask a question, or they know the freakin' answer?! If I was on that show and lost the lead because, as Alex says, "you didn't phrase it in the form of a question", I'd bitch slap him. Nuff said.

So anyhoo, today's finalist question (answer) was: what state with 2 NFL football teams is the only one that touches the Mississippi? Easy for The Dizza: Missouri, with the Kansas City Chiefs and the St. Louis Rams. Sadly, though, none of the three contestants could get it right (but they knew physics, arcane vaudeville trivia and oceanography facts). One even said Florida. FLORIDA!!!! Now she knows damn well Florida doesn't touch the Mississippi River! The other two said Minnesota, so I guess MN's two teams would be in Minneapolis and, uh, that thriving metropolis Duluth.

While perusing the Minnesota map at Google Maps (LID loves Google), I noticed that there's a city called Forada. Sounds like Florida. Maybe that's what the third contestant was REALLY thinking about! There's also a city called Detroit Lakes (the most dangerous town in the state, I'm sure, where even the trout carry A.K.'s). And one called Starbuck. I'm really trying to resist the temptation to see if there's a Starbucks in Starbuck. Not...strong...enough...ok, I Googled it, and there's not (whew).