Bryant Gumbel's Magic Toilet

The Dizza is a huge fan of the show Live with Regis and Kelly. That's right. You got a problem with that? For me it's all about Regis, though...he's the man (although somehow, Philbin-ness doesn't come close to Cosbyness (which is next to Godliness). But today Bryant Gumbel sub'ed for Reege, and told a story that amazed the audience--and the Dizza! Apparently he just installed a Toto toilet, which is the Mercedes-Benz of porcelain thrones. As the audience ooo'ed and aaaa'ed, he described how the toilet senses your presence when you enter the room, automatically flipping the lid up and warming up the seat. This Donald Trump of toilets also has a water weight sensor, so with every "delivered package" the toilet automatically flushes. Then when you're done, a mere button press delivers an oscillating stream of (clean) warm water to your "delivery route", then gently dries you with warm air! The Dizza's birthday is this Tuesday the 25th, and I want one! No, wait...I want two! Will anyone "gently deliver" a Toto to me?

I Warn You, George, Once You Go Black...

Today, after ignoring them for his entire presidency, President Georgie finally got around to speaking at an NAACP conference. Of course, we black folk have a bit of a "thing" against the Republican Party, so as you can imagine, all of his key points received a mighty tepid response. At one point he made a point and paused, and you could only hear the echo of one or two people slowly clapping way in the back. Another time, he made a point and you merely heard crickets. It was great! And Jesse was there (don't act like you need Jesse's last name)...as he watched Georgie speak, he had this look on his face that said "Negro what?? Negro please!"

Of course, there are 3 or 4 black people who like Georgie. One of them just may be running for President in 2008 (if supporters have their way). Which would actually be a briliant move. Of course, if anyone really wants to know who the first black female President should be, merely look to the draft Oprah movement.

New Pop Tart Flava!

It's an exciting day, LID readers. While at Meijer, The Dizza's favorite grocery store, I discovered a new Pop Tart flavor (roll those drums): Mint Chocolate Chip! In my excitement I swooped it up with the quickness, and sampled a Tart while driving home. I have only one response to report: mmmmmm! Pop Tart really has a good record going with it's new flavors, with Strawberry Milkshake and Apple Strudel being among the most recent delicious treats. You see, The Dizza loves Pop Tarts, so much so that I eat one before bed every night. And I always keep an Emergency Pop Tart in my glove compartment, my office desk, and my briefcase (and in my suit jacket at funerals) because you just never know when you'll be in "a situation." You know the one...your stomach begins imploding out of starvation, the people around you can start to hear your belly groaning, and yet there's no chance to eat anytime soon. Most people would panic, but not The Dizza. I just lean back, a knowing smile on my face, and slide out an EPT. In the words of Ice Cube, "yay-ee-yay-ee!"

For a bit of Pop Tarts history, check out this Wikipedia link. Warning, the entry is so thorough that's it's probably Kellogg-provided propoganda. The Dizza's blog entry above is not propoganda, although if Kellogg wishes to send me a free crate of Pop Tarts, I will gladly and shamelessly plug the manna known as Pop Tarts until my dying day. And then have one engraved on my tombstone.