Where the White Girls At?

Ever notice that when black girls are missing, the media may, may briefly mention it on the back page under the crossword puzzle, or on the ticker after the traffic report? But if our white sisters are snatched, we're looking at three pages of coverage and a primetime special report? Gawker and, gasp, the ridiculously right-winged The New York Post have. Check out what they have to say. And that's The Dizza's social commentary for the day.

Your Favorite Cartoon Skulls!

You'll never watch "It's Christmas Charlie Brown" the same way again. Man that boy's got a big-ass head!

See more of your favorite cartoon skeletons at http://www.pas.splinder.com/. Warning: the site's in Swedish. And there's a picture of doody on the page. It might be Charlie Brown's, but I can't read Swedish.

Shoddy Pimp or Stone Cold Playa?

Wow. Raven Symone, the actress loved by children everywhere for her Disney show That's So Raven (and hated by adults for her terrible role on The Cosby Show) has a dog named Shoddy Pimp. She just revealed it on Regis' show (a true pimp in his own right, with Kathie Lee and now Kelly in his harem). Shoddy Pimp...kind of an anomoly, ain't it? I mean, no true pimp is ever shoddy. Like The Dizza, a true pimp is always decked out in his finest brightly colored suit with different colored, but equally bright, hat and gator shoes. Because of this fondess for color, a true pimp wouldn't look out of place at Disney World or anywhere else cartoon characters walk around. Don't mistake him for the Mad Hatter, kids! And of course the only thing shoddy would be the limp, which of course is on purpose, playa!

Back in the Groove

Greetings LID readers! I received many emails about my birthday hap'nings. Everybody wanted to know, "Dizza, what did you do? Who did you see? What did you get?" Well, friends, it was a momentous and climactic occasion...I'm just now recovered, hence the late posting.

The day began with elephants trumpeting as they marched down my quaint suburban street, and as I walked out the front door I was greeted with a giant "Huzzah!" from all my neighbors. I then fielded the usual calls ("Billy C, your wife should definitely run for President." "Condi, please! It's never too early to talk to you!" "Trumpster, definitely put your new building on the Upper West Side.").

Jigga coptered me to work ("Jay, I agree, you're better than Puff.") where I was feted by all my co-workers, and then it was off to the big party afterwards. Everyone was there ("Puff, I agree, you're better than Jay-Z") and Prince even served us pancakes the next morning when the party broke.

Sigh...just another boring ol' birthday...

Project Runaway From the Black Guy

As LID readers already know, Project Runway is back and better than ever! Already we've seen challenges to design a dress for Miss America, a dress made out of materials in the contestants' apartment, and one based on dogs. But have you noticed that Michael, the black contestant who has a street attitude but designs beautiful pieces, gets hardly no props on the show? If it wasn't for the runway scene, we wouldn't know anything about him! He gets no sound bites, no "talking to the screen while in the private room" moments, and I'm starting to wonder if they even let him stay in the same apartment as the other contestants. Where's Jesse when you need him? I'd be pissed if I was Michael and saw how much I was cut out. So in the spirit of helping a brotha out, here's a little smidgie about my man Michael (also known as Ralph Ellison's "The Invisible Man" in the book of the same name).

Shout out!

You know who you are!

As this image suggests, LID readers, most of The Dizza's friends are violent, eager and willing to pummel a mutha. So don't mess with my crew, son!

The Dizza Turns 29

Not yet...but tomorrow! Yes, July 25 is the magic day, when good falls over the land and peace is felt on earth (hear that, Hezbollah and Israel? Don't make me fly over there and put the smack down like Supafly!). Understandably, LID's loyal readers have been clamoring for something to send The Dizza. And those of you who have been with me since the start know the answer immediately...why, Kenneth Cole of course! I'm not picky, it could be a pair of socks, a headband, whatever...I've even got a Kenneth Cole keychain, for cryin' out loud. Although I won't be mad at anyone who sends over an IOU for that smooth Michael Kors belt I've been clamoring for.

You know what always got me, though? I never got to share a birthday with a cool celebrity. Some people get Jaimie Foxx, Halle Berry or Bill Cosby...I get Estelle Getty and Iman (do you even remember who she is?). Big whoop. A 300-year old actress from the Golden Girls and a washed-up supermodel.

Anyway, I still have to figure out where I'm going to eat tomorrow. Since I just switched jobs and don't have any vacation time, I can't do the "fly to New York City, eat and fly back" route, tempting though it may be. Maybe I'll go to East Side Mario's, a great restaurant next door in Livonia that's set up to look like NYC on the inside, complete with a replica of the Brooklyn Bridge that crosses overhead from one side of the restaurant to the other. Hopefully I won't run into East Side Luigi or South Side Mario, two rival drug lords of East Side Mario...I'd hate to see a knife fight go down right when I'm biting into my linguine...

Bryant Gumbel's Magic Toilet

The Dizza is a huge fan of the show Live with Regis and Kelly. That's right. You got a problem with that? For me it's all about Regis, though...he's the man (although somehow, Philbin-ness doesn't come close to Cosbyness (which is next to Godliness). But today Bryant Gumbel sub'ed for Reege, and told a story that amazed the audience--and the Dizza! Apparently he just installed a Toto toilet, which is the Mercedes-Benz of porcelain thrones. As the audience ooo'ed and aaaa'ed, he described how the toilet senses your presence when you enter the room, automatically flipping the lid up and warming up the seat. This Donald Trump of toilets also has a water weight sensor, so with every "delivered package" the toilet automatically flushes. Then when you're done, a mere button press delivers an oscillating stream of (clean) warm water to your "delivery route", then gently dries you with warm air! The Dizza's birthday is this Tuesday the 25th, and I want one! No, wait...I want two! Will anyone "gently deliver" a Toto to me?

I Warn You, George, Once You Go Black...

Today, after ignoring them for his entire presidency, President Georgie finally got around to speaking at an NAACP conference. Of course, we black folk have a bit of a "thing" against the Republican Party, so as you can imagine, all of his key points received a mighty tepid response. At one point he made a point and paused, and you could only hear the echo of one or two people slowly clapping way in the back. Another time, he made a point and you merely heard crickets. It was great! And Jesse was there (don't act like you need Jesse's last name)...as he watched Georgie speak, he had this look on his face that said "Negro what?? Negro please!"

Of course, there are 3 or 4 black people who like Georgie. One of them just may be running for President in 2008 (if supporters have their way). Which would actually be a briliant move. Of course, if anyone really wants to know who the first black female President should be, merely look to the draft Oprah movement.

New Pop Tart Flava!

It's an exciting day, LID readers. While at Meijer, The Dizza's favorite grocery store, I discovered a new Pop Tart flavor (roll those drums): Mint Chocolate Chip! In my excitement I swooped it up with the quickness, and sampled a Tart while driving home. I have only one response to report: mmmmmm! Pop Tart really has a good record going with it's new flavors, with Strawberry Milkshake and Apple Strudel being among the most recent delicious treats. You see, The Dizza loves Pop Tarts, so much so that I eat one before bed every night. And I always keep an Emergency Pop Tart in my glove compartment, my office desk, and my briefcase (and in my suit jacket at funerals) because you just never know when you'll be in "a situation." You know the one...your stomach begins imploding out of starvation, the people around you can start to hear your belly groaning, and yet there's no chance to eat anytime soon. Most people would panic, but not The Dizza. I just lean back, a knowing smile on my face, and slide out an EPT. In the words of Ice Cube, "yay-ee-yay-ee!"

For a bit of Pop Tarts history, check out this Wikipedia link. Warning, the entry is so thorough that's it's probably Kellogg-provided propoganda. The Dizza's blog entry above is not propoganda, although if Kellogg wishes to send me a free crate of Pop Tarts, I will gladly and shamelessly plug the manna known as Pop Tarts until my dying day. And then have one engraved on my tombstone.