Super Bowl XL: Turning Detroit into Los New York Angeles

What's that sound? Why, it's the Super Bowl a-comin'! Super Bowl XL is steaming into Detroit this year, and the Local Uppities are praying it makes everyone realize our fair town is a teeming megapolis that should be #1 on every American's vacation list and every CEO's business relocation list. Of course, that would be great, but first we need to get the small things going. That's why our many abandoned storefronts are having pictures of children hung in the windows...who doesn't love cute little kids? Especially when their inanimate cardboard eyes are witnessing drug deals and trick-turns right in front of them? OK, I'm really just jealous I can't get into one of the roughly ten google (yes kids, it really was a word before a company name) Super Bowl parties charging $500+ to get in. But I'm still expecting Diddy or Kanye to call me at the last second, apologizing profusely for forgetting to send out my invitation and assuring me a chopper will pick me up in the backyard for rooftop delivery at the club. Sorry for all the prepositions in that last sentence.